i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
