We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
how drunk are you?
Several
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
