you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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