Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
