dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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