I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
