i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
