He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
