Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
