I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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