the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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