I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
