Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
