It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
