If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and she was petting her beer can
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
