Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
