I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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