david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
