wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
