I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
