eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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