well you can't waste a boner
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
