The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
