Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
