I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
