Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
