You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
