Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
