Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
