you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
