shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
