Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
ttyl tear gas
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
