My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
