Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
