This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
