Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
