We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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