I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
