I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
