You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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