he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
