my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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