I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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