Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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