How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
