: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
