Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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