Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
