Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
