Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
