Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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