they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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