I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
