just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
