normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
