Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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