Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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