i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
