Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
