Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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